It seems like all I do anymore is fight to live. I wonder how much fight I actually have in me. My anxiety is so great that it's unreal. By no means am I suicidal, just exhausted but even sleep doesn't help. When I sleep I have nightmares and those aren't fun either.
I work part time (we're talking a few hours a day) as a freelance writer and even that is getting to be too much for me anymore. Unfortunately quitting is not an option because then I end up with nothing to do and that drives me crazy too. I also feel like I need to bring in some money and at this pace, I'm able to have enough time for me and bring in money too.
It seems like I just need to spend a lot of time in self care - doing crafts. Fortunately I have a lot of different crafts that I enjoy but it seems like I could use a few more so I'm going to look for something today at the craft store.
I finally moved my crafting table into my room and set up a craft area so I'm not in bed all the time. My mind has somehow decided that my room is my safe space and I'm just rolling with it for now. It seems like I'm rolling with a lot of things until next week at least. Next week I'm looking into a program that'll be intensive therapy (IOP) so that maybe I can get my life back on track.
While I'm happy to be making some steps forward, what the future holds scares me. I know God has me but at the same time there's so much unknown. I need help and I'm bound and determined to get it so I can have my life back. I'm just sharing this to let you know you're not alone in your fight today.